My thoughts in the morning never correlate with my thoughts at the end of the day.
Yesterday, I posted I was looking for work and mentioned that I was cheap. Now that doesn't sound good, now does it? I meant that in humour, but I guess I just don't think before I post. I certainly do not place myself in a position that marks me as, "less than". I don't think of myself that way. I know I am blessed with many gifts. That's why I just can't focus on just one. I'm random; all over the place and I "like" a lot, and love too much.
I often wonder if the one's I love, feel the same way? I mean, if you never hear them anymore, is that it? I hope not. ( I don't think, so.)
Anyway, I get it.
I just miss the way it was. I miss the motivation, the passion, the feeling of feeling fearless. Laughing so hard that your face hurts; smiling with truth.
This transition is tough, and I am doing everything to make my life fun again, and not just...there. I have many friends, that I don't know. As much as I like you all, without a foundation of true friendships, it's difficult. And it's sad.
I want to attend all these events, but I know I will know no one. Of course, I will see all of you who take the time to check my blog and Facebook, and have worked with in the past, just to say, 'hi", and that you care, ( I love that ) but we all know that just isn't enough. We need real friendships in our lives. People to hang out with, even if we do nothing at all. Just knowing you have some people around you that you can count on.
The friends I hang with today are very special to me. They never let my feelings, and emotions stop them from keeping in touch with me. They know who I really am. I am good, I am nice, I genuinely care, and I have a lot to share.
It's a grey day and I'll probably look at this later and wish I didn't post this, but I want you all to get the real me.
This is me, today. 12:04pm.
...okay, I'm good.
Be with the one's you love, if not physically...emotionally. You may not have any idea how important it is to know that. Especially to those who are not mentally able, lost and confused. Always remember it came from somewhere and was NEVER meant to affect anyone, in the line of fire or those on the sidelines.
To my friends, you know me. So....
...and I understand. I'm sorry.